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Cyber Warp to Planet Earth
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Space Lab - S.A.N.Q.L.D.'s Deep Space Scientific Research Laboratory
Cyber Warp to the S.A.N.Q.L.D. UniverseCyber Warp to the S.A.N.Q.L.D. UniverseCyber Warp to the S.A.N.Q.L.D. Universe
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Galactic Data Bank (SANQLD-C1999 Series)
Tactical (Ship's Internal / External Space)
Visual - Screen On (Ship's Internal and External Viewers)
SANQLD9000 Communications Command Center

OFFICER'S CURRENT STATUS
 CURRENT LOCATION
OFFICER'S CURRENT STATUS
 CURRENT OFFICER STATUS
CURRENT STATUS OF STARSHIP 2020
 CURRENT STATUS OF STARSHIP 2020
CREW CURRENTLY ON BOARD SHIP
 CREW CURRENTLY ON BOARD SHIP
CURRENT ASSIGNMENT
 CURRENT ASSIGNMENT
PRIMARY OBJECTIVES
 PRIMARY OBJECTIVES
GRADE 9 PRIORITY NOTICE
 GRADE 9 PRIORITY NOTICE
MESSAGE FROM IMPERIAL COMMAND
 MESSAGE FROM IMPERIAL COMMAND
CRITICAL QUESTS TO BE COMPLETED
 CRITICAL QUESTS TO BE COMPLETED

CURRENT LOCATION

Commander:  You are currently standing at the helm, on Deck 13, of a Classified Federation Shuttle Craft which is in the process of transporting you from the Imperial Star Fleet's International / Inter-Galactic Space Station Command Center to the SOS VOYAGER - NCC 2020 Starship at a speed of 6.66 parsecs.   This Starship is currently docked to the Space Station Operations Center and is currently in standard orbit around Planet Earth's moon: Coordinance 007 – Mark 6. 

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CURRENT OFFICER'S STATUS

You have been selected by the Imperial Star Fleet Command as the Commander of the new SOS VOYAGER - NCC 2020.  You will arrive at Airlock 655 in approximately 9 Minutes and 11 Seconds. 

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CURRENT STATUS OF STARSHIP 2020

The SOS VOYAGER - NCC 2020 has been completed, inspected, tested, and is currently fully functional and ready for your approval.  All systems are currently operational.  Landing Bay has been cleared and secured.  Operations Security Officer has received and processed a code clearance BLUE.  You are cleared for docking.

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CREW CURRENTLY ON BOARD SHIP

Commander, the SOS VOYAGER - NCC 2020 crew records are currently available on-line.  There are over 6,000 Starfleet crew members on board your ship who are awaiting your instructions. 
If you wish, please click here to view a list of your current crew members.
 
 

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CURRENT ASSIGNMENT

You have been requested to leave your current posting on Planet Earth's International Space Station, currently orbiting Planet Earth's moon, and to begin your space exploration.  Star fleet has given you the option to either complete the outstanding Planet Earth missions / quests listed below and/or to begin your research in and outside of the Neutral Zone Frontier, as you voyage into the great unexplored unknowns of outer space.


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PRIMARY OBJECTIVES

Throughout your mission, remember that your primary objectives are to successfully complete and log each ultimate quest; to intercept all communication forms and subject matter; investigate all such life forms; to boldly go where no one has gone before; and to take whatever action is necessary to discover all sources of total logic in order to attain all that is logical...

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GRADE 9 PRIORITY NOTICE

During your mission you MUST do whatever is necessary to maintain galactic peace, avoid all dangerous asteroid fields, black holes, death stars, gamma rays, inter-galactic celebrates, solar flares... and to remain clear of the strong and constant powers of the dark side.

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MESSAGE FROM IMPERIAL COMMAND

As Commander of this ship, you have taken your first steps into a larger world… and a new age.  Your 'human' adventure is just beginning...

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151  -  OUTSTANDING PLANET EARTH EXPERIMENTS / MISSIONS / MYSTERIES / QUESTS / UNANSWERED QUESTIONS
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89 Before they invented drawing boards, what did humans get back too?
Top of Page
89 Deliver vaccine / cure for PMS to all humans. Top of Page
89 Determine amount of human closet claustrophobics that are living in each city. Top of Page
89 Determine another word for thesaurus. Top of Page
89 Determine how cold it is going to be if it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow. Top of Page
89 Determine how humans get deer to cross at that yellow road sign. Top of Page
89 Determine how many human cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift. Top of Page
89 Determine how one gets off of a non-stop flight. Top of Page
89 Determine how the fool and his money got together to begin with. Top of Page
89 Determine how to write zero in Roman Numerals. Top of Page
89 Determine if "virgin wool" come from sheep the shepherd has not caught yet. Top of Page
89 Determine if a cat thrown out of a car window becomes kitty litter. Top of Page
89 Determine if a human can read properly if they are cross-eyed and have dyslexia. Top of Page
89 Determine if a human Oriental becomes disoriented when being spun around several times really fast. Top of Page
89 Determine if a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman / radio. Top of Page
89 Determine if a parsley farmer's wages can be garnished if sued. Top of Page
89 Determine if a stealth bomber makes a sound when it crashes in a forest. Top of Page
89 Determine if a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would one know. Top of Page
89 Determine if amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of water after they eat. Top of Page
89 Determine if an entire chess set could be purchased in a pawn shop. Top of Page
89 Determine if cannibals do not eat clowns because they taste funny. Top of Page
89 Determine if fat people can go skinny-dipping. Top of Page
89 Determine if fuzzy logic tickles. Top of Page
89 Determine if human infants enjoy infancy as much as human adults enjoy adultery. Top of Page
89 Determine if human police officers say "you have the right to remain silent" when arresting a mine. Top of Page
89 Determine if human vegetarians should eat animal crackers. Top of Page
89 Determine if humans drive with their lights off when a funeral procession is conducted at night. Top of Page
89 Determine if hungry crows have ravenous appetites. Top of Page
89 Determine if it is a success when a book about failures does not sell. Top of Page
89 Determine if it is considered a hostage situation if a human with multiple personalities threatens to kill them self. Top of Page
89 Determine if it is possible to be totally partial. Top of Page
89 Determine if milk comes out a cow's nose when it laughs. Top of Page
89 Determine if human Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's". Top of Page
89 Determine if humans give pilots crash courses in flight school. Top of Page
89 Determine if one tells a joke in the forest, and nobody laughs, was it a joke? Top of Page
89 Determine if people are more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs? Top of Page
89 Determine if people in Australia, call the rest of the world, "Up Over"? Top of Page
89 Determine if radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives? Top of Page
89 Determine if the reverse side also has a reverse side. Top of Page
89 Determine if the top cotton ball is meant to be thrown away when you open a fresh bag of cotton balls. Top of Page
89 Determine if there are seeing eye humans for blind dogs? Top of Page
89 Determine if there is another word for synonym. Top of Page
89 Determine if there is anything written on the signs, when human sign makers go on strike. Top of Page
89 Determine if you get a Philips's Screwdriver if vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia are mixed together. Top of Page
89 Determine what cheese says when it gets it's picture taken. Top of Page
89 Determine what color a human smurf turns when it is being choked. Top of Page
89 Determine what happens to the other penny when someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put in your two cents. Top of Page
89 Determine what humans do when they see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants. Top of Page
89 Determine what is used by humans to ship Styrofoam. Top of Page
89 Determine what little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious. Top of Page
89 Determine when a human mute swears, if their mother washes their hands with soap. Top of Page
89 Determine when and how humans know it is time to tune their bagpipes. Top of Page
89 Determine where human forest rangers go to get away from it all.  Determine if they go to the nearest big city / metropolis.  Then determine how many end up in a park within the city. Top of Page
89 Determine whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it. Top of Page
89 Determine why 11 is not pronounced onety one. Top of Page
89 Determine why a bra is singular and panties are plural. Top of Page
89 Determine why a person who plays the piano is called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist. Top of Page
89 Determine why a wise man and a wise guy are considered opposites. Top of Page
89 Determine how and why "abbreviation" is such a long word. Top of Page
89 Determine why banks charge humans a "non sufficient funds fee" on money they already know humans do not have. Top of Page
89 Determine why glue does not stick to the inside of the bottle. Top of Page
89 Determine why human doctors call what they do "practice". Top of Page
89 Determine why human kamikaze pilots wear helmets. Top of Page
89 Determine why human women wear evening gowns to night clubs and night gowns to bed. Top of Page
89 Determine why humans cannot break an ordinary chicken egg with their bare hand when the egg is simply put in their palm. Top of Page
89 Determine why humans do not have mouse flavored cat food. Top of Page
89 Determine why humans from Poland are called "Poles," but humans from Holland are not called "Holes". Top of Page
89 Determine why humans press harder on a remote control when they know the battery is dead. Top of Page
89 Determine why humans put croutons in airtight packages.  It is just stale bread to begin with. Top of Page
89 Determine why humans report power outages on TV. Top of Page
89 Determine why humans say something is out of "whack".  Determine what is a whack. Top of Page
89 Determine why humans sterilize the needles for lethal injections. Top of Page
89 Determine why humans without a watch look at their wrist when they are asked for the time. Top of Page
89 Determine why if something is horrific it means to be horrible, but if something is terrific it does not mean to be terrible. Top of Page
89 Determine why in schools on Earth, when there is a fire alarm they have to line up in a single file line from shortest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall humans burn slower? Top of Page
89 Determine why it is illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but it is okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall? Top of Page
89 Determine why lemon juice is made with artificial flavoring, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? Top of Page
89 Determine why lingerie is so popular if love is blind. Top of Page
89 Determine why no one sat at the other side of the table during the "last supper". Top of Page
89 Determine why overlook and oversee mean very different things. Top of Page
89 Determine why Planet Earth still has apes and monkeys if humans have "evolved" from these creatures. Top of Page
89 Determine why scientists call it "research" when looking for something new. Top of Page
89 Determine why sheep do not shrink when it rains. Top of Page
89 Determine why Superman always ducked when someone threw a gun at him... even though he could stop bullets with his chest. Top of Page
89 Determine why the fattest men in the world do not become professional hockey goalies? Top of Page
89 Determine why the human who invests other human's money is called a broker. Top of Page
89 Determine why the third hand on a watch from Earth is called the second hand? Top of Page
89 Determine why there are 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic". Top of Page
89 Determine why there is an expiration date on sour cream containers. Top of Page
89 Determine why they are called apartments when they're all stuck together. Top of Page
89 Determine why they are called buildings instead of builts, when they're already finished. Top of Page
89 Determine why tourists cannot be shot at during tourist season. Top of Page
89 Determine why you can tell a human that there are 400 billion stars and they will believe you, but tell them that a bench or wall has wet paint on it and they have to touch it to be sure.
Top of Page
89 Determine why women do not put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans? Top of Page
89 Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? Top of Page
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89 How can there be self help groups? Top of Page
89 How do humans know when they run out of invisible ink? Top of Page
89 How is possible to have a civil war? Top of Page
89 "I am" is the shortest sentence in the English Language.  Determine what is the longest. Top of Page
89 If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him....  Is he still wrong? Top of Page
89 If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk? Top of Page
89 If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Top of Page
89 If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? Top of Page
89 If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? Top of Page
89 If Barbie is so popular, why do humans have to buy her friends. Top of Page
89 If corn oil comes from corn, and olive oil comes from olives, determine where baby oil comes from. Top of Page
89 If God dropped acid, would he see people? Top of Page
89 If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like? Top of Page
89 If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away? Top of Page
89 If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? Top of Page
89 If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? Top of Page
89 If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Top of Page
89 If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? Top of Page
89 If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of this material? Top of Page
89 If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn't a Portuguese person be called Portugoose? Top of Page
89 If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? Top of Page
89 If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? Top of Page
89 If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Top of Page
89 Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? Top of Page
89 Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? Top of Page
89 What do chickens think humans taste like? Top of Page
89 What do people in China call their good plates? Top of Page
89 What do humans call a male ladybug? Top of Page
89 What hair color is put on the driver's license of a bald person? Top of Page
89 What happened to the first 6 "ups"? Top of Page
89 What happens if you put a slinky on an escalator? Top of Page
89 What happens when none of your bees wax? Top of Page
89 What is a "free" gift?  Aren't all gifts free? Top of Page
89 What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Top of Page
89 What is the speed of dark? Top of Page
89 What was the best thing before sliced bread? Top of Page
89 When dog food tastes new and improved, who tested it? Top of Page
89 Which is the other side of the street? Top of Page
89 Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Top of Page
89 Why didn't Noah or his family swat those two mosquitoes or step on those two cockroaches? Top of Page
89 Why do human gas station attendants lock gas station bathrooms during the day? Are they worried someone will clean them? Top of Page
89 Why do human psychics have to ask your name? Top of Page
89 Why do humans drive on parkways and park on driveways? Top of Page
89 Why do humans need a driver's license to buy liquor when they are not allowed to drink and drive? Top of Page
89 Why do humans play in recitals and recite in plays? Top of Page
89 Why do humans put Braille on drive-thru bank machines? Top of Page
89 Why does a human's nose run, and their feet smell? Top of Page
89 Why don't humans call mustaches "mouthbrows?"? Top of Page
89 Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike? Top of Page
89 Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? Top of Page
89 Why is it that when humans are driving and looking for an address, they turn down the radio? Top of Page
89 Why is it that when humans transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when they transport something by ship, it's called cargo? Top of Page
89 Why is the symbol for anarchy always written the same way? Top of Page
89 Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Top of Page
89 Why, when a human winds their watch, they start it, but when they wind up a project, they end it? Top of Page
89 Would a wingless fly be called a walk? Top of Page

 
 

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Last updated on 01/12/2011 05:56PM (EST)
[ Star Date: 2-655321.8 ]

S.A.N.Q.L.D.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cyber Warp to Planet Earth
Cyber Warp to the Business Quadrant
Cyber Warp to Private Sector
Space Lab - S.A.N.Q.L.D.'s Deep Space Scientific Research Laboratory
Cyber Warp to the S.A.N.Q.L.D. UniverseCyber Warp to the S.A.N.Q.L.D. UniverseCyber Warp to the S.A.N.Q.L.D. Universe
Cyber Warp to Imperial Search Vector
Galactic Data Bank (SANQLD-C1999 Series)
Tactical (Ship's Internal / External Space)
Visual - Screen On (Ship's Internal and External Viewers)
SANQLD9000 Communications Command Center
Planet
Earth
Business
Quadrant
Private
Sector
Space
Lab
Planet
SANQLD
Search
Vector
Data
Bank
Tactical
Scanners
Visual:
Screen
Contact
Center